Stress dreams

I used to be one of those people who believed stress was a necessity for getting things done. I left things to the last minute, so deadlines were critical, as without them, I’d probably not achieve much. Yes, I was one of those annoying people who considered stress to be a positive. [Side bar: I’m presuming you’re all doing a mega eye roll here, I know I would be 😉 ] I lived a high energy, high intensity life in which I thrived. Until, that is, there was spiralling cortisol, ending in burnout.

Since then I’ve recognised certain traits in myself which need to be managed. I’ve learned to prioritise and to compartmentalise, to keep an eye out for feelings of overwhelm or being overloaded. I don’t always catch them, or – more honestly – there are circumstances in which I tell myself it’s impossible to do anything about it.

It’s only in the recent past that I’ve accepted the fact that depression has been with me on & off throughout most of my life, but a new realisation has been the recognition of anxiety. For I’m a bit of a swan – apparently flowing along serenely on the surface, while paddling away frantically out of sight. I’ve lived that way for such a long time, that I’m not always aware of the stress I’m feeling.

Except when I have the dreams, for they follow a recognisable pattern – one where stuff is happening all around me and I seem powerless to prevent it, to correct it, or to control it. Sometimes the locale is an office, other times it’s a family scenario. The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming, and is not one I have much patience with, so I’m feeling cross and frustrated not only with everyone else, but with myself.

During a few years of my childhood, my stress dreams took the shape of a vortex – a swirling mass with a pulsating and repeating pattern. With the benefit of mature years (and a shed load of therapy), I can see that was a perfectly reasonable response to living in a country under martial law.

I now regard my stress dreams as providing a useful service – for they alert me to what’s going on which is out of my awareness, or give me a kick up the behind to actually get on and do something about whatever it is I’ve been ignoring.

Do you have a physical indicator of stress being present in your life? Do you dream – or should I say, do recall your dreams?

© Debra Carey, 2024