What I know for sure after my nearly 70 years on this planet

1. That use it or lose it is absolutely true. To date, I’ve chosen to prioritise my brain health, being afraid of my family history of dementia – but the reality of a body wearing out as you age is also no fun.
   
2. Being in your sixties doesn’t mean you lose the ability to undertake new tasks, acquire new knowledge and learn new skills – you’re just out of practice, flex that muscle!
   
3. Lean into simple pleasures – a tasty ripe tomato, freshly baked bread, an inexpensive bunch of flowers, the first cup of tea of the day, the smell of freshly ground coffee, birdsong…
   
4. Rest when you need to. It’s not laziness – overwhelm is real.
   
5. Make time for writing – it’s never wasted. It gives you so much – satisfaction, pleasure, a method of thinking things through, the opportunity to revisit old memories.
   
6. When you hear the mantra “eat the frog!” it may not be a good idea to muse out loud whether the French have a head start because of their propensity for frogs legs. Not when you’re at a coaching seminar anyway…
   
7. If it’s not procrastination, what are you afraid of? Find out and face the fear, or choose to follow a different path.
   
8. Keep an open mind. Be willing to listen to differing viewpoints and experiences. Datamining needn’t stop once you’ve decided on a position.
   
9. Even if – in the Hollywood way – you meet the love of your life, it’s far from nailed on they’ll be the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with.
   
10. Don’t chase someone. If they want to be with you, they will make the effort.
    
11. When you’re a people pleaser, be on the guard for relationships which flow one way.
    
12. When you’re feeling tired, stop to consider whether it’s down to a lack of quality sleep, or weariness? The solution is different, even if you’ll benefit from having more of the former in order to address the latter.
    
13. Even when you are good at it, it’s not your job to fix people.
    
14. Consider your possessions – are you using them or just possessing them? As you age, cutting down on “stuff” is an act of consideration to those you’ll leave behind.
    
15. When making decisions – do your research, but listen to your gut. There’s no guarantee you’ll always get it right, but choosing the option you can live with right now means there’ll be a lot less self-recrimination.
    
16. Wear clothes you can forget about once they’re on. Being comfortable is an important component of feeling confident.
    
17. You can end up asking for too little because you’re afraid of being overly demanding.
    
18. Even when study and training has provided you with multiple tools for when times get tough – they’re no use unless you remember to put them to work.
    
19. When you find a planning or organising process which suits you, don’t stop using it because you think you don’t need it any more. The reason it was working is ‘cos you were using it… duh.
    
20. When making changes to protect peace of mind or wellbeing – focus on the behavioural change rather than seeking to change who you intrinsically are.
    
21. Be yourself – anyone who doesn’t appreciate the real you, doesn’t deserve a place in your life.
    
22. Surround yourself with things which give you comfort. Having them close to hand for when you need them means feeling better involves no fuss or drama.
    
23. Create a self-care box or list. If you feel able to, tell your person what’s on/in it, so they can offer appropriate soothing options for you if you’re unable to express your needs.
    
24. The journey from hurt to healed isn’t linear. But you can’t get healed if you stay holding on to hurt. It’s not a race, but you will need to recognise when it’s time to start moving along that road.
    
25. Not everyone will like you. And that’s OK, ‘cos you’re not going to like everyone either.
    
26. While what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger may be a truth, it’s OK to rail against life when it dishes out too much. Frankly bad shit does happen to good people, so it may be a good idea to get it off your chest before you have to get back to keeping on keeping on.
    
27. Anxiety is a way bigger burden than it sounds. It can be insidious and damaging and really mess up your life. Take it seriously and get help.
    
28. Take some time to be quiet with your thoughts – but only when you’re feeling on a relatively even keel. Overthinking when you’re in a wobbly place emotionally can be a bad idea.
    
29. Spend time outdoors. You don’t need to hike or do crazy sporty stuff, just leave the building. While you’re there, look up – at the sky, the treetops, the clouds, count the chimneys, it doesn’t matter what – just looking up helps to lift your mood.
    
30. If you can, take your shoes off and feel the ground beneath your bare feet.
    
31. Walk. It doesn’t matter where or for how long, just put one foot in front of the other, and focus on rolling through from your heel to your toe. Do it every day if you can.
    
32. Check in on the people you love – even when they don’t check in on you. If it bothers you they’re not returning the favour, take some time to review the relationship.
    
33. Instead of responding as you usually do, stop and think how you really want to answer – then do that.
    
34. Keep trying new things.
    
35. Don’t wait for someone to do things with – if you really want to do them, do them alone.
    
36. People aren’t judging you as much as you think they are – they’re far too busy thinking/worrying about themselves.
    
37. Unless you like them and/or respect their opinion, don’t worry what people think about you.
    
38. Be kind whenever you can, so long as it’s safe for you to do so.
    
39. There will come a time in your life when you start looking back on your life in a different way – not just remembering, but reviewing. This is normal.
    
40. When you learn how to say sorry properly, it’s a game changer. Don’t waste your time making substandard apologies – do it right, or don’t bother.
    
41. Read as much as you can. Where possible, make it quality writing, ideally something demanding or challenging. Except when that’s not what you need, then choose something to suit your mood – but try to limit the vapid and formulaic.
    
42. Don’t stop learning. Apart from being good exercise for your brain, being interested makes you more interesting.
    
43. Don’t allow heartbreak to stop you from being open with your heart in the future.
    
44. While the ‘Reason, Season, Lifetime’ thing may sound trite, once you identify the reason or the learning, it can allow you to feel grateful for people who are no longer in your life, especially those who chose to leave when you wanted them to stay.
    
45. Alone and lonely do not necessarily go together. You can be alone yet feel entirely content, or with people but lonely.
    
46. “Fool me once, shame on you; but fool me twice, shame on me” (for not learning from the first mistake) is good advice. Throughout my life I’ve given people more than one chance… and there’s no doubting there’ve been times when it did make a fool of me.
    
47. Bullies are generally being bullied themselves. Not that it’s ever an excuse. But when that knowledge allows a person being bullied to stand up for themselves – it’s a fact worth knowing.
    
48. Classical music isn’t dull and boring – I wish I’d learned earlier how beautiful and uplifting it can be.
    
49. Opera can make me cry – even when I’ve no idea what the story is and can’t understand a word they’re singing.
    
50. Good enough genuinely is. Feeling you always have to “be better” is no way to live.
    
51. You can break the pattern. No-one is fated to pass on unhealthy behaviours and toxic traits.
    
52. Sometimes home is a person and not a place.
    
53. That dancing is good for you, even when you’re not a great dancer and your knee hurts the next day.
    
54. While I neither planned nor expected to be a mother, it’s been the most important and worthwhile thing I’ve ever done.
    
55. The older you get, the more likely you are to experience grief. It doesn’t go away, but you can find ways to keep on living a good life.
    
56. Dressing in black isn’t boring. It really doesn’t matter whether it’s your colour or not – if wearing it makes you feel good, or even just calm, pulled together and comfortable, then fill your (black 😀 ) boots!
    
57. Comfortable shoes are a game changer. And the older you get, the damage done by years of wearing impossibly high heels makes it’s even more important to find shoes you love… and which are also comfortable. ‘Cos when you do, that’s always money well spent.
    
58. A narcissist lives for your reaction – choose not to give them one.
    
59. Smile. Say hello. Say thank you. Each act takes little to no effort on your part, but makes the world a nicer place.
    
60. Unconscious bias – it’s uncomfortable having to face it, but do it anyway.
    
61. Build your boundaries, then defend them.
    
62. Therapy is worth every single penny you’ll spend on it.
    
63. Liking people and being sociable doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an extravert.
    
64. Identify your privilege and acknowledge it willingly.
    
65. Even though Himself never says a word, a combo of menopausal hair and using a CPap machine means that when I wake up in the morning, my hair tends to stick up on one side like a cockatoo 😀
    
66. Maya Angelou was right – forgive yourself for what you did before you knew better. But when you know better, do better.
    
67. Being persistently late is disrespectful.
    
68. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
    
69. I’m not sure about it being the best medicine, but laughter undoubtedly makes you feel better.
    
70. You’re never too old and it’s not too late.

Clearly this list of lessons are personal to me and my life – but regardless the number on your nearest “big birthday”, what life lesson(s) would you share?

© Debs Carey, 2025