Have you ever

… forgetten to bring your wallet when you’ve been scheduled to pay for a meal?

No.

It’s a subject I feel rather strongly about having had an ex who used to do what I called the wallet dance – you know, gesticulating and miming “is it me or is it you?” despite having insisted we go out and it being his treat when I’d said I couldn’t afford it 🙄

But I will admit having put petrol into my car only to discover I’d left my wallet at home. Honestly, I felt absolutely mortified. It happened when I decided to stop and fill up on a whim while out running another chore. I cannot conceive of not checking I have my wallet when I know I’m going to be needing it. In fact, I now check my handbag (over and over again) to ensure my wallet is there before I even put my hand on the pump…

… failed to prepare for an exam before the day you were supposed to take it?

Yes, to my shame, many a time.

With hindsight, my schooling was decidedly random. We not only moved every couple of years but the early years were also severely disrupted first by civil unrest and then by civil war. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds – we weren’t dodging bullets or anything – but attendance was erratic, and safety rather than structure was to the forefront.

Once I got to the stability of boarding school in the UK (at age 11/12), I understood homework and other clearly defined tasks, but independent study, research, revision – these were concepts known to me in name only as things that other people did, but I had no idea how to. I can now see it was embarrassment which caused me to say nothing about it at the time. As I was reasonably bright and good at taking exams, I got away with it, until the first set of serious exams I had to take aged 15/16 – then I failed badly, and ended up scraping through my schooling. I had my first formal teaching on independent study, research and revision when I studied with the Open University in my fifties.

… been forced to spend a day with a person you didn’t like?

Yes, soooo many times!

The earliest I remember (again, from about age 11) is with my father’s boss and his wife who were also our next door neighbours. Us children were good friends, and – on the surface – it appeared the same was true of the parents. Except there are so many tales I could share of their behaviour to and treatment of my family, but my parents made it clear I had to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. An unfortunate by-product of this requirement is, once I became an adult and encountered people who were two-faced, rude, high-handed and/or totally disregarded boundaries, I tolerated it as if it were normal.

How did you answer these “have you ever? questions yourself? Have any past experiences influenced your future behaviour?

© Debs Carey, 2025

30 thoughts on “Have you ever”

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  1. Always have money with me. Always study ahead of time. Have definitely spent time with people I didn’t like. I used to go to dinners, long alcohol-fueled ones, with my husband as guests of some of his business associates who were dreadfully self-absorbed and dull.

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  2. Wallet/keys/etc are always in my purse so unless I forget my purse I’m good. I was a model student who always made sure I studied. I bet everyone has been forced to spend time with someone they really don’t like. I think that has to be universal, like a right of passage to judge how you manage yourself in awkward social situations. Now I just say no thanks and don’t attend 🙂

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  3. Ally, I feel I missed out on a lot by not making the most of education and being too focused on fitting in rather than maximising the opportunities. Fortunately I got a second bite of the cherry, which I’m grateful for.

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  4. Deb, I’m lucky that I’m easygoing in nature and so fit in most places and with most people. The modified behaviour I had imposed on me as a child is only a problem because I went on to put up with some truly appalling stuff as an adult. Looking back now, I can see it was a case of young men swallowing thing whole and not understanding there were nuances at play. I did a lot of that… Funny thing is my year of saying yes really helped me to say no more when I wanted to.

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  5. I’ve lost my wallet, but I don’t recall ever forgetting it. As a kid who didn’t have enough money growing up, the absolute shame of not being able to pay for something still hangs over me. And “a day with someone I hated?” LOL, I worked in Hollywood. I was lucky if there was a day I worked spent with someone I liked. And in recent years, I’ve discovered that PTA moms can be EVEN WORSE. And while there was never an exam I failed to prepare for, I still have nightmares that I skipped classes all semester and then had to take a final. Which hardly seems fair!

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  6. Ah yes, you must’ve the longest list in the world of people you had to spend time with Autumn. I’ll admit to being really lucky with my brief spell working in the film industry (the British one to be fair) that everyone was delightful.

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  7. I definitely went into a few final exams unprepared. One I had nightmares about literally for years afterwards! Maybe that made me a more understanding professor many years later!! 😂

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  9. I normally have my credit card holder with me but not long ago at the grocery store, I discovered that my credit card wasn’t in it (I think I took it out to make an online purchase and forgot to put it back). Fortunately, I remembered that I had set up Apple Pay on my cell phone so I was able to complete the transaction. Whew! It would have been extremely embarrassing to have to have all my items “un-rung up” and return to the shelves.

    I don’t think I’ve ever not prepared for an actual exam but I have had plenty of bad dreams about forgetting a test or, sometimes, not being able to find the right classroom. Yipes! Thank goodness, those days are over!

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  10. #1 Yes, several times. When I’m taking a walk, I always leave my wallet at home or lock it in the trunk. A few times, while walking with my sister or daughter, we decided to stop for a snack (or teatime, as my sister likes to call it even though she prefers a latte.) It’s no big problem if one of them has money,

    No money when you’ve already put gas in your car? Oh, no! That is mortifying.

    #2 I don’t remember not having studied for a test, but I’ve dreamed that quite a few times. In my dream, I don’t even remember where the class is.

    #3 My cousin seems to care a lot about keeping in touch with my sister and me. In many ways, she’s a good person. But she’s sooo annoying. Not only is she a MAGA Republican, but she’s coercive in a “sweet” but underhanded way. She pretends that she’s just being helpful when giving advice on what to eat, what vitamins and vaccines to take, attitudes about religion, etc. Last time I saw her, she was praising Elon Musk and how brilliant he is. We try to make visits short and to avoid politics, but it’s very stressful.

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  11. I always make sure to have money-but the other day my wallet had fallen out of my purse onto the floor of the car! That was a close call!

    Back in high school, I had plenty of exams I didn’t prepare for. But once I started community college—where I paid for a lot of it myself—I made sure to study and actually get my money’s worth

    And yes, I’ve definitely spent entire days with people I didn’t like. Holidays come to mind….🤣

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  12. I forgot my wallet once, when I went to hair salon. My daughter had to bring it to me.i rarely studied in high school, so clearly have been unprepared. I try to avoid time with people I don’t like, but sometimes unavoidable. I almost always learn from past experience

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  13. I forgot my wallet once when I went for a drive. My kids were in the backseat. “Oops,” I told them. “I’d better not get pulled over by a cop because I don’t have my driver’s license!”

    I got pulled over by a cop.

    I mean seriously, to this day, I cannot believe that happened. The reason I got pulled over? I was driving too slow. I was obviously overcompensating. But, much to my good fortune, he never even asked for my license. Just told me to speed up a little so as to preserve the flow of traffic and sent me on my way.

    I swear, this is one of those weird things that could only ever happen to me…

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  15. Janis, I’ve dithered about setting Apple pay up on my phone. Not sure why, other than because I’ve had my phone stolen more than once. But I can see that it’s the way forward, so one day I will knuckle down and get it set up.

    I can totally understand the bad dreams about forgetting a test. I’ve had all manner of stress dreams over the years, and still do from time-to-time.

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  16. Nicki, my mother (and her mother) were both neurotic about having money on them, so I guess I picked that up from them. So, yes, the gas experience was truly horrible. Fortunately they do have systems in place to handle it, but I felt dreadful.

    Stress dreams are the worst. I now understand that they’re telling me something – not that I can always act on it, and certainly not in my childhood.

    Your cousin sounds a nightmare. It’s tricky when they’re a relation… Fortunately, my father had only one brother and his family all live in the US, and my mother was an only child.

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  17. Naturally the time I’d not got my wallet I was out of area so couldn’t call on anyone to help. Fortunately they have systems in place and I scuttled back then a couple of hours later with my wallet.

    The fact that it was OK to avoid people I don’t like was a lesson I learned in my fifties. Indeed, that was the time when I first felt able to apply lessons from past experiences. Such an unhealthy way to live.

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  18. Mark, that’s hilarious! Me – I got pulled over for speeding in front of my daughter’s entire class who were on a coach returning to school (where I was hurrying to pick her up). And yes, I did get a ticket and points on my license.

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  19. Yup, I’m the same Kari, hence why I was so mortified at that gas station.

    Good point about making sure you get your money’s worth when you’re paying. I was a very committed student when I was a mature student!

    Oh how horrid that you’ve had holidays spoiled like that. It’s no fun, is it. Sending love ❤ ❤

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  26. No to the first two but I think most people can say yes to the third – whether it’s a work setting or family gatherings, social network – we’ve all been there lol….character building stuff! 😊

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  27. Interesting questions…and responses…Deb. My short answers are 1) Once I forgot my purse after going through a drive-through. I left without the food and was so embarrassed; 2) I never forgot to study for an exam, but have had numerous dreams where that happened. What is that about? 3) I don’t know that I’ve spent a whole day with someone I don’t like, but portions of a day were bad enough!

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  29. Cherryl, with the benefit of adult eyes and hindsight, I can see that my mother struggled herself with their treatment of her, and simply wasn’t able to see beyond that to helping her children understand how to navigate the situation. As you say, it was a learning opportunity – but when the teacher is trying to figure it out themselves, it’s not surprising the wrong lesson gets taught.

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  30. Christie, I’ve had stress dreams for most of my life, but never around exams/study. Perhaps because even when I did learn to study later in life and did prepare properly, I genuinely knew the difference between being completely unprepared and properly ready. Hmmm, I’d not thought of that before.

    Yes, living next door to my father’s boss for 6 years was challenging for us all as the whole family were constantly in & out of our house, so we had no space we could call our own. Not a good lesson in boundary setting.

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