I’ve worked for nearly 50 years with only a couple of gaps while still in my twenties. I started life as a lowly copy typist, slowly progressing via secretary to PA/EA/Office Manager, finally to what I call “running small businesses”. But I’ve struggled to put a title to it… ‘cos it encompassed so many areas, as is often the case when you work for small businesses.
Covering everything from copywriting to HR, managing the car fleet to sales, Company Secretarial (legal stuff not typing & shorthand), event management and marketing. And to be honest, that’s how I like it. I enjoy developing people and relationships, and I don’t like to be bored. I’m happiest when busy, whether it’s doing mundane routine admin tasks, learning something new, or doing the stuff I genuinely enjoy.
What’s prompted me to write this post is that – in the final weeks of winding-up of the company – clients have ben introducing me to their colleagues as their Customer Relations Manager. It took me a minute but, you know what, they’re right – that is what I’ve been doing for the past few years.
When I worked in advertising eons ago, I was about to move from Director’s PA into the junior slot on the client management team. Except that being a new mother and working in the advertising industry in London are not good bedfellows, so I chose to follow a different path, one which would provide me with reliable hours as well as a decent salary. Some 40 years later, it turns out I’ve reached the top of my previous path without even noticing. While I never wanted to carry out this role in the unglamorous and dull world of IT & Printing rather then Advertising & PR, I’ve decided to give myself a pat on the back.
When looking back on my half century of working, there’s been a sadness to accepting I’ve not been able to follow my dream career in psychology (because I didn’t discover my love for and affinity with the subject till my fifties), so realising I’ve reached the top of a ladder I’d started climbing all those years ago, has offered an unexpected source of satisfaction.
As the challenges of the past few years have had me viewing the next decade of my life with less than my usual verve, this has given me a little shot of confidence, an internal swagger if you like, and allows me to confidently state that I still hold by the maxim you’re not too old and it’s never too late 🙂
Has your life followed the path you expected? Are you a planner (or manifester like Mark), or more reactive (like I’ve been)?
© Debs Carey, 2025
debsdespatches.com 
Congrats Debs! It’s interesting and rewarding when those career milestones sneak up on you. I think maybe the satisfaction of knowing you’ve done a good job is greater when you can really look back on all that you’ve done and contributed. I worked in some form of healthcare my adult life, taking breaks here and there. Sometimes the advancements were planned, other times they just organically happened so I guess that makes me a bit of both. As to the psychology thing…I went back to college in my 40’s because I never had the opportunity to do that when I was younger. I found my niche in Sociology and earned a BA with honors. Never planned to do this but my college age kids inspired me. I’ve never regretted that and I fully believe in the “never too late” concept 🙂
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Thanks Deb, I appreciate that 🙂
It was a shame I found Psychology so late, as unfortunately a couple of major life events interrupted my ability to study it to the level I’d have liked – my treatment for breast cancer and then caring for my father at home while he was suffering from two forms of dementia, all while working full-time. I’m not sure whether I’ll pick it up again when my day job winds up at the end of the year, or whether I’ll follow a different path. Either way, I’m looking forward to it 🙂
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No offense to Mark, but it’s a lot easier to “manifest” success as a white man than as anything else (except maybe a white nepo baby man). My life has taken some weird turns, but mostly I’ve enjoyed the detours–I can definitely say I have LIVED. I’m glad I danced when I could and made sure my kid never went through the cracks. Right now I am doing more editing than writing, but I enjoy coaching others and trying to find the perfect way to tell a story. Maybe I will get back to my own work eventually.
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There’s no doubt that mothers have long had to find ways to pivot. I don’t regret my choices, even if I’m sad about the paths I wasn’t able to follow. But I’d not make different choices even knowing the outcome.
Good to hear you’re enjoying coaching – it’s so rewarding. It’s one of the options I may return to after my day job employer winds up. Except, there’s a couple of other things I’m thinking about pursuing. One good thing about being out of action following surgery will be that I’ll have time to think, research and decide. I’m looking forward to it. I’m confident you’ll get back to your own work – this time with your son is so intensive and so precious, but it’ll be gone before you know it.
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Interesting path, Debs, even if you didn’t end up where you initially wanted. You sound as if you have made the most from what you became and accomplished.
My life didn’t quite go as planned, certainly not the way my family wanted as they tried to push me into estate management. My first job was as a sub-editor for a country sports magazine, my family approved of. But then I became first an equestrian photographer, then a farm labourer/student… an organic food wholesaler… film producer. Finally, an equestrian journalist taking a few photographs; almost where I began. Ill heath curtailed that career, but at least I still write… although now it’s fiction. And not what my family wanted, but nobody cares.
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When we’re starting out, it’s reasonable to plan a future or a future career and then start working on it. What isn’t reasonable is to then measure your life by whether those early goals were achieved.
Back in the days when a girl was expected to be a nurse, a secretary, or a teacher, I chose to be a elementary school teacher. I worked very hard at it and became super excited by the details of a teacher’s job. I only taught for two years, though, after which I got pregnant three times in a row, and then we moved to the Philippines. I loved taking care of my daughters, but for many years I expected to go back and finish what I started. Although, as a foreigner, I couldn’t teach in Manila, I became president of a cooperative nursery school and then a board member of the International School. I studied Chinese brush painting and batik painting and had lots of fun during the next 20 yrs. And yet, I still felt disappointed at not being the teacher I had planned to be. It took years of maturing for me to look back on my life and be satisfied and grateful and even proud of how things have been working out.
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No offense taken from Ashley’s comment, of course, but I still believe manifesting is a skill you have to perfect regardless of the color of your skin. I like to think it’s been my drive and determination that have gotten me where I am, while recognizing the fact that being a white male certainly hasn’t hurt. But I can’t apologize for what/who I am.
I did work my ass off to get where I am today, and I think a big part of that is because I’m never willing to settle…even now. I may be in the final third of my career, but I’d still be willing to make a move if a true dream job opened up!
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Roland, you’ve had a remarkable and interesting career path – despite the ways serious health issues have challenged you. I won’t deny that I’ve had some “poor me” moments, which get quickly dispelled when I consider the challenges faced by you (and others I know who’re struggling in similar ways). I am doing a lot of looking back, and a lot of thinking about the next decade, so this realisation came at a good time as I was tending towards the maudlin. You’ll not be surprised I want to find a way to write more, but need to resolve the finances first, as those worries render me unable to focus on anything else. The next few weeks/months will be key. Take care Roland, it’s lovely to see you here 🙂
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Ah yes Nicki, I recognise those restricted paths. In my case, it was nurse, physiotherapist or secretary (bi/tri-lingual if you had languages), with the sole exception being those few in the top echelon at school who followed the Oxbridge path. I wanted to get into hotel management, but my father steered me firmly towards secretarial training first, and there’s no doubting its use in supporting myself and my daughter. I’d been keen to work overseas in a British High Commission but, again, was firmly talked out of it. Looking back, my life has been very much reactive and not driven by my preferences. While not unusual in women of my generation, nevertheless, I’ve wondered how different it could have been if I’d stuck to my guns.
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Mark, your point about having drive and determination is well made, as those are certainly qualities one needs. Autumn’s point – while not something you can be held responsible for – remains relevant, being about the expectations and limitations placed on women, ones which were even tougher for my generation than they are now. My expected path as a good Catholic girl was that I’d do a job – not a serious one which a man could do mind you – until I got married and had babies. I knew that wasn’t me but, living overseas, there was a dearth of female role models living any other type of life. I had a path I wanted to follow, but was firmly steered away and into secretarial training on the basis that I’d always be able to find a job. And, after my daughter was born, that was true – I was able to independently support us both from that “fall back” option. But, despite my being the child with the most brains in my family, University was only an option for my brother. Especially galling is that he messed around for 3 years and gained no qualification, whereas the 3 year hotel management programme I wanted to follow, earning and learning as I went, was quashed. The world we live in may not be as patriarchal as it was, but we’ve still got a long way to go, and that’s without the backward steps being taken of late.
Don’t get me wrong, I accept full responsibility for playing it safe later in life once my child was fully grown and independent. It seems avoiding risks became a habit which was hard to break – and that I do regret.
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That genuinely sucks, Deb. It’s not fair and I feel for you. The struggle, as they say, is real. Just know that I have never viewed women as anything other than complete equals in all facets of life. I’m just one guy, though. I hope things continue to evolve and those who don’t favor equality go crawl back into a hole or fall off a cliff or something.
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Thank you Mark, I truly appreciate that. There’s no doubt we need more good guys like yourself in this world.
I loved my Dad to bits, but he was quite the dinosaur about women working in my early years, even though he became supportive later on once it was clear that wasn’t my path. My mother remained completely old fashioned about the whole thing, and I’m not sure if I was a huge disappointment or a total puzzle to her 🙂
Your current administration is downright scary on the subject of women – so crawling into holes or falling off cliffs is a good wish for them. While we’ve not fallen quite that far over here in the UK, there are worrying signs of the far-right rising, so… we may yet need to use those holes and/or cliffs too.
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Oh friend, my heart feels so close to yours right now. I stopped working at 30 to stay home with my oldest daughter. Eight years later, I had my youngest. In between and after, I worked part-time retail jobs and did writing for different companies — but nothing I could really add to a resume if I ever needed to work again. I thought about getting a degree in psychology too, but lately I’ve been wondering if it’s too late. And do I really want to? So many questions.
I never thought my life would end up here, but that’s probably because I never really thought about the future. I’m happy where I’m at, and I hope I won’t need to go back to full-time work anytime soon. Do I have a backup plan? No. Does it scare me? Sometimes, yes.
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Kari, I’m so happy to hear you can feel the parallels.
With regard to your decision about following a degree course in psychology, don’t worry about it being too late if you really want to do it. Unless you need to use it professionally, if you can afford the cost and the time required, why ever not? I believe you’d find it absolutely fascinating.
Not having the future secured is scary – and something I’m still working on. But I’d not turn back the clock on leaving my ex (and all my financial assets) behind, because my mental well-being was more important. Take care m’dear and if you want to discuss the study thing further, let me know and I’ll drop you my email ❤
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Thank you so much for this. It helps hearing from someone who understands what that uncertainty feels like, and who’s found peace in choosing their well-being first. I admire that more than I can say. I might take you up on the offer to talk about the psychology degree—it’s something that’s been tugging at me for a while now. Sending love back your way. ❤️
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I can’t say I’m always at peace with the decisions I’ve made but, when times are tough, it’s been so helpful to remember that is one clock I’d not want to wind back. Living with uncertainty is a strain, and I have to remind myself not to get frozen in indecision and fear. It’s a constant struggle, and having company from someone as lovely as you, is so helpful.
Ask any time you want about the psychology. Of course, things are different in structure between here and there, but I suspect it’s more to do with your internal self that there’s a decision to be made. ❤
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😘💜
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