Some random questions…

Which one would you rather do: ask a question someone does not want to answer, or give an answer to someone who does not want to hear it?

I’ve done both. I prefer to do the former… by a long way, as I’d hope the question – while not answered at the time – would cause that person to muse on the subject and come to the answer in their own good time. Whereas, when you give an answer that someone doesn’t want to hear, it tends to not only fall onto stony ground, but to stay there. It’s why counselling and psychotherapy is based not on telling a client what to do, but to ask them questions until they work it out for themselves. Coming to a realisation yourself is far more powerful than being given the answer on a plate.

Why are we so terrified of making mistakes if we can learn from them and improve?

When you have perfectionist tendencies and/or are lacking in self-belief, the impact of making a mistake feels hugely damaging, because it confirms the fear that you’re not good enough; indeed, you might mock yourself for even thinking of trying. On the flip side, when you have a questioning approach based upon a solid foundation of self-belief, it isn’t hard to fail, to learn the lesson, to adjust and to try again.

Why aren’t curtains double-sided so that they look good both inside and outside your house?

In practical terms, it would make them twice as expensive. I was amused to read a book recently which described a person who did have double-sided curtains because they were so concerned about what people thought, it wasn’t enough for them and their family to enjoy them, they needed other people to admire their taste.

Have you ever come into contact with human remains?

No. But I have handled human excretion without realising. I worked for a company which sold and serviced combined heat & power systems. One day a box arrived containing what I described as “scale” and I rummaged through it to find any form of delivery note, only to be told it was desiccated poo from a sewage treatment plant where one of our systems was installed. I’ve been extremely wary of any deliveries ever since…

What’s the best inside joke you’ve ever heard?

The best inside joke I’ve ever heard involved a small man who was a major suck up to the big boss. The joke suggested all that remained visible of him when in the presence of the big boss was his feet. Sorry if I’ve left you needing to bleach your mind’s eye after that.

Where would you relocate if you were forced to leave the country?

What came to mind immediately was the Netherlands, which was a surprise, as I’d previously assumed that France, Italy and Spain would feature higher. But lots of things about the Netherlands makes sense. It’s on a similar latitude to the UK and so experiences similar weather conditions, English is widely spoken there because it’s taught as a spoken rather than written language in schools, and – most importantly – the Dutch tend to share the British sense of humour (irony and sarcasm in particular), so it would feel almost like being home.

Which of the two smells better, fresh-cut grass or bread baking in the oven?

Bread baking – hands down! When I lived in London, I’d visit the supermarket 2-3 times a week so I didn’t having to carry heavy bags of groceries. In the colder months, it was a treat to pick up a freshly baked loaf on the way home. I’d tuck it under my coat to keep it warm, and as soon as I got home, I’d cut a slice and smoother it in butter.

What is something your brain wants to convince you to do but you have to fight it?

It’s more the stuff which my brains fights to convince me not to do that’s the problem. I’m afraid it does its job of keeping me safe far too well by reminding me of all the reasons why I shouldn’t take a risk.

Who gave you the best compliment?

Someone I met when I was in my early fifties. Actually, that’s a bit dismissive, he was the love of my life; unfortunately he was already seriously ill when I met him. He genuinely believed I could do anything I put my mind to and regularly told me so.

Over to you! What would be your answer to any of these questions?

© Debs Carey, 2026