While there’ve been times when my back is being especially troublesome that I have felt envious about men’s ability to relieve themselves while standing up… that isn’t my answer. I’d like to think I’d not have a specific agenda, but to approach it with an open mind, and focus on observation in order to learn from the experience.
In the current world, I suspect what I’d learn from spending time in a locker room could depress me, although it is possible I’d see men being kind to newbies, showing them how to exercise safely, even checking on the mental health of their peers. Hopefully I could learn something similar to the lesson I gained during my time in advertising, when a male colleague mentioned the significant up-front expense in having to purchase a work wardrobe, as the male intakes were expected to wear suits while the female intakes were not. Although the female intakes would have to spend way more over the course of time because of the expectation to have a constantly changing and updated work wardrobe, it was fair to observe it could be acquired slowly, and not as a starting out cost.
And doubtless there could be other lessons to learn – about peer pressure, the expectation to hide emotions, how in certain cultures it’s the eldest son who must care for elderly parents, to name a few.
But what if a man was to change gender for a day…
I read a most interesting article some time ago written by a man who’d transitioned – not just living as a woman, but who’d had the surgery. Most notable was the complete 180 in how they were treated by men. Having become a middle-aged and ordinary looking woman in business, their new experience included being routinely spoken down to and over in all discussions, being expected to take notes/minutes in meetings, being passed over for opportunities to lead and manage despite their greater experience and seniority, unless (sometimes even when) they vocalised this obvious disparity. How men cut in front of them in line, especially in bars, how it was a women who’d stood to offer them a seat on public transport when they were visibly exhausted and unwell, how they felt invisible and irrelevant in everyday life. They admitted they’d never considered this aspect when making a decision to transition due to their previous blissful ignorance.
For even when women share with men the details of their lived experiences, the only way men can truly get the impact of it is to have the visceral experience themselves – and not just once, but over and over and over.
Someone on Threads was asking women to comment at what age they first had experience of negative attention from men (of a sexual nature). The person asking wanted the information to support an argument they were having with a male friend who didn’t believe “it was all that bad”. The responses were something to behold. When I tell you my experience as a 10 year old was far from the worst response, that should make it clear quite how bad it is.
So while it could be interesting to observe the impact of women and girls having the opportunity to spend time living as men, how much could the world change if men and boys all had to live as a women and girls for a set period of time?
Or would it…?
Many years ago, I watched a documentary about young teens in an ordinary (non fee paying) UK school. The girls spoke about the constant unwanted attention and harassment they had to endure throughout the day from the boys, whereas the boys laughed it off, insisting the girls liked the attention really. But it all changed, when the interviewer asked both groups about their experience with gay students. The girls were chilled, about both male and female gays. They knew some of their female classmates were gay, but as they received no harassment or pressure from them, they had no complaints. But the boys… they complained bitterly about the persistence of the male gays, how they wouldn’t take no for an answer, were always trying to touch them, or nab them for a quick grope or snog. The girls sat there laughing at them, pointing out the obvious, but the irony of the situation was totally lost on the boys.
How would you answer this question? Do you think there would be a positive impact if both genders had to switch for a period of time?
© Debs Carey, 2026
debsdespatches.com 
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