Are we prejudiced about Pride?

Pride isn’t something us British do well, self-deprecation being preferred – and I think that’ can be real problem – for pride doesn’t have to be smug, loud or arrogant, it can be quiet, well-earned and good for self-esteem.

There’s a real epidemic in low self-esteem – far too many very capable and competent people struggle with it. The reasons are wide ranging, but feeling you mustn’t celebrate your achievements or your qualities certainly can’t help.

We’ve all heard the term “Pride comes before fall” and even if it doesn’t happen naturally, the UK tabloid press or social media will be sure to tear down a person who they believe has become too big for their boots. But what’s wrong with pride? The dictionary defines it as “a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s achievements, qualities or skills”. There’s absolutely no mention of being smug or shouty, or of bragging and flouting, nor of looking down on others – and while some proud people can also behave badly in these many ways, it is not pride which is at fault.

Many of us take our understanding of pride (and proudness) from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, but Miss Austen is clever and she is toying with us. For it is the lesser used adjective – prideful (dictionary meaning “arrogant and disdainful”) which is the real problem, whereas that same dictionary describes pride as “being gratified or feeling honoured” which I believe makes clear the difference.

Having, keeping or cherishing mementos of your achievements is a good thing. You don’t have to go all Feng Shui about it, displaying your achievements on the wall facing your career luck direction (unless you want to), but making sure that you keep evidence of those good things you’ve done, those things which you’re proud of having achieved, from the mundane to the amazing, can prove to be a valuable resource when your self-esteem needs a boost.

This practice is especially important if you are someone who is externally, rather than internally, validated. Neither one is better than the other, by the way – it’s simply how you’re wired. I am externally validated, and I regret not holding on to many things from my past which could’ve provided me with a boost on those days when self-doubt have crept in. But I was all British about it and threw everything out. Fortunately, I’ve been able to recall the emotions they generated – good, healthy, helpful, life-affirming emotions.

These days I advocate collecting your evidence, and keeping it safe. You can put it in a book, a folder, or a file. You can take snaps to keep online if you’re determinedly paper-free. You could go all out and create a display, even a video. The size of the achievement doesn’t matter, simply that the acknowledgement of it made you feel good, feel gratified, or honoured. I cannot tell you the difference having something like this would’ve made to the vast majority of my coaching clients.

How comfortable are you with Pride? Do you keep evidence of your achievements? If so, do you simply store it, or do you display it?