Body positivity… and negativity

I’m a fan of Strictly Come Dancing (Dancing with the Stars in the US), it’s my one bit of utterly mindless TV. In the past, I’ve not started watching until the early rounds are past, when those who have absolutely no sense of rhythm are eliminated. But Himself likes me to enjoy the full experience so, this time round, I’ve watched those difficult early rounds.

In week 2, this guy – a big guy – but one who’s incredibly graceful and oh my, can he move – was given the jive. Unsurprisingly, he struggled with the speed, and with the fitness required. After his performance, he apologised to his professional partner and the viewers saying “I’m just too big”.

The problem is that big (large, fat, big-boned, plus-size – there’s many a term) people know we are regarded as being lazy, greedy, lacking in willpower or motivation. And while I’d not suggest that isn’t sometimes true, what many people don’t realise is that there’s often a lot of rubbish going on upstairs – by which I mean in our brains.

All of which took me back to an article I read from the author of Fat Girl Walking. As I read it, there were repeated instances when I thought “I remember Mum doing that” and “Granny used to say that all the time!” Conflicting messages around looks, weight and food have been passed down from my grandmother to my mother, from my mother to my siblings and myself. Healthy eating habits were not taught or practised in my childhood home

Despite being a decidedly bonny baby, throughout my childhood, my teenage years, my twenties and into my thirties, I was slim – the only slim child in fact – and very rarely exceeded the ideal weight for my height. But that fact made absolutely no difference. Diets were the norm – either imposed by my mother, or self-imposed (but actively encouraged and supported). Did all this wreck my metabolism? You betcha – such that in my late thirties/early forties when I could do with losing weight after giving up smoking, I couldn’t shift an ounce – even when limiting my calorie intake to under 800 a day. Worried about this anomaly I consulted a doctor, when – unbelievably – I was instructed to restrict yet more.

You won’t be surprised to learn that I was never to become that naturally slim person again. Everything to do with food, with eating, with weight, with looks – was tainted by what I was told or overheard in my earliest years. What was in my head totally wrecked my metabolism and so my body. I have battled on and off with emotional over-eating, and now have a vast amount of knowledge about the impact poor mental health can have on physical health, and poor nutrition on mental health. This allowed me to break the chain and not pass the unhealthy views and practices of family lore on to the next generation. My daughter has an amazing attitude to food and is slim, fit, informed and educated, although much of the credit must go to her.

My Dad was a big guy (well over 6 foot and skinny at 17 stone after giving up beer 😉 ) and boy, could he dance. In fact, his jive was legendary…. which takes us nicely back to that big guy on Strictly Come Dancing. He went on to win, although never revisited his jive. Despite everything he achieved during the weeks of the competition, I don’t believe he was able to shake the firmly embedded belief about his size and the jive. Despite knowing he wasn’t the best dancer on the night, I was happy that he won, because I know from personal experience quite how hard it is to shake that negative belief and just how much courage it had taken to put himself out there.

Has something you’ve read, watched or heard taken you on an unexpected journey into your past?